It Was Always God.....

For much of my life I have searched for my one true love. Through marriages and divorce there has been a struggle for me to be the right guy for someone, the good husband, and for many reasons including my struggle with addiction I have failed for more than just a few brief moments of being that person who finds that person.

In looking through my fireproof box of memories for a car title today I stumbled across a poem I wrote my very first love at 15 years old, along with a later sonnet I wrote to her as well. Her name was Sonia, a 4'11' beauty with the fire of the 100% Italian she was. When she was angry with me, plates would fly at me through the air, but man did she have my heart. I will save the poem for later, but but here is the sonnet:
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My life could be worth but a few small frowns, thrown aside as never to be thought of
Yet you have placed it among the renowns, with your gentle warmth and wonderous love
When a day passes, which you are not near, I wonder if to this world I belong
My meaning in life seems to disappear, but with your love, I know I am strong
Strong, yet undeserving of your kindness, but to say I don't want you is a lie
Without you I am filled with blindness, with you, there is no greater man than I
So my love, for all of your devotions, I give you my life and all my emotions!

Reading this today, it hit me. Yes, I truly loved that girl as much as a passionate teenager could but all along my life leading up to now, all long It Was Always God that I was writing that sonnet to, it just took awhile for me to deliver it to him.

Thank God he waited patiently for me to find out who my first love really is!