It's Not About Me

This week's guest blogger is author, life coach and developer of Cup of Faith Ministries, Allison Miller. Her life story will be documented in her upcoming book but the short story is that her road of travel to the Lord took many turns before finding him. We have been friends for many years, and it is my pleasure to have her share a few words with us this week. Enjoy and share your thoughts as well.

There is a Proverb that says a man repeats his folly as a dog returns to its vomit. Think about that. I know it's gross, but when a dog vomits he actually goes back to eat it! He puts it back into his system after it has been regurgitated. It must be doubly bad going down the second time!

Before knowing the deep love of Jesus, I spent my time seeking love from those who did not know how to give love. Thankfully, he rescued me. Still, nearly seven years later, I had a new realization. I was blindly walking in folly, again.

I was like that dog described in Proverbs. I was returning over and over to the same vomit, seeking love from a person who can not give it. What happened is really amazing and could only happen through our loving Savior. I have been questioning myself and asking Jesus to show me if there was any part of me that might be causing this person to repel me, to demean me and look down the nose at me. I prayed, “Jesus, please reveal to me if there is something in me that needs to change.”

Nearly every time something wonderful happened, I ran to this person to share the exciting news, receiving the same attitudes. With the passing of some time, more prayer and searching, and after another encounter with this person, it was revealed to me that the repelling, the demeaning and the better than you attitude was not about me, after all. I became confident in this truth because I took great care filtering my own words, ensuring they came from a heart of genuine love.

When receiving the same attitudes, I knew it was time to close my mouth and let this person be. I knew without a doubt there was nothing I could say to change anything. After an evening out together with other friends, and dropping this person at their car, I began talking to Jesus on the way home. “Thank you for showing me. I understand I have to leave this person to you. I see there is nothing I can do, it is up to you.” It was here in these moments of conversation with Jesus I realized I was doing a similar thing as in my previous life. It looked a little different, but it was the same. Even after knowing God’s love, I was still running one person asking for something they are not yet equipped to give.

I sat in the floor of my room this morning and read from God’s Word with a deep sadness. I knew I had to separate myself for a time from this person I love. I did not deserve to be looked upon this way. I’m confident that if you have ever felt unloved or unaccepted you have felt the same way. I have learned we have no control over someone else’s behavior, but we do have power to create boundaries that keep our lives of freedom in Christ protected. I later sat with my house-mate, shared the heaviness of my heart, and sobbed as she prayed with me. I felt a great peace come over me as I released this person I love fully to Jesus in agreement that “there would be no opportunity for bitterness to grow in my heart.” Now it was time for me to live it, to walk the talk. As my house-mate was leaving for work, she reminded me, “You are a daughter of the King.” Before sitting down in her car, she shared a few words she read this morning. Words the Lord spoke to Zerubbabel,  “Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit.” Yes, we are all on a healing journey to understand the width and depth of His love, and it is only the Spirit of Father we need to fight our battles. Our part is to be who we are in Him, accept others as they are, and leave them to God, allowing Him to do what only He can! And nothing is too hard for Him! It’s God’s love in us that causes me to keep loving these people, even when behavior doesn’t show love. It isn’t about us. It’s about Him and thankfully, when needed we can love at a distance.

Folly is foolishness and we can walk blindly in foolishness, continuously going back to the things we used to do to make us feel accepted, more courageous or loved. Maybe we turn to things, people or chemicals to fill us. We can call all these things whatever we want to, but let’s don’t call them love.